私は小学校から中学卒業までの間、執拗ないじめにあっていた。
いじめの理由は簡単で「ほかの生徒との違いが大きかった」、それだけだった。
幼いころから日本舞踊を習っていたり、家業が写真館で両親が学校に頻繁に出入りしていたりということが、異質な存在と受け取られた理由のような気がする。
残念なことだが、日本では集団を守ることが優先され、違いがあるというだけで認められずに、そこからはじかれてしまうのだ。
そんなことがあったせいか、中学を卒業するころには他人と違うことを避けて、日本舞踊を辞めてしまったし、大学卒業とともに企業に就職することで家業である写真からは離れてしまった。
それから15年が経ち、カメラがフィルムではなくデジタルになってやっと、家業でないものとして写真、自分自身の写真と向き合えるようになった。
最初の被写体は花や風景だったが、いつごろからか、人の営みを写真に残したいと思うようになった。
私自身、このことは意外だった。
いじめられた経験を受けてもなお、私の心の中には「人恋しい」という思いが強く残っていたのだ。
いじめられた経験は人が負の一面を持つということを嫌というほど私に詰め込んだ。しかし、そのことを苦にして、私は人に絶望したくはない。
絶望せずにすむ方法は唯ひとつ、絶望より大きい希望を見出せばいいのだ。
だからこそ、私は人の営みに希望を見出して写真に収めようと考えた。昔に受けた辛い仕打ちは記憶に深く刻まれて面と向かって撮るのは難しいけれど、少し離れたところからでもいい。自分が感じた希望を写真という形に残せればと考えている。
I had suffered from bullying when I was a child. It had started at elementary school and had continued through my school days, until I graduated from junior high school.
As my parents ran a photography business, they often came to school to take students' pictures. I had been learning Classical Japanese dance from an early age. From these reasons I was considered to be very different or to stand out in the class.
I'm sorry to say this but it is Japanese common-sense that being different from others is unacceptable, you'll be excluded from society or group unless you are the same as everyone else.
Therefore I was very afraid of being different from others, and I'd tried not to be prominent. I was very afraid of getting deeply involved with people. At that time it was natural for me to be away from the family business, the photography. By the time I graduated from junior high school, I'd quit the Japanese dance classes. After finishing college I found a job which was not related to the photography.
Since then 15 years have passed, the circumstances surrounding photography have changed. The Digital cameras have improved. I could finally face the photography itself, not as a family business but the photograph as my own. My first interest was just for taking flowers or landscapes only. But sometime later I started to think that I want to take pictures of people's lives.
It was totally a shock for me to notice a change in my feelings.
In spite of the bitter experience, my desire to be with people is still in my heart. Being bullied myself taught me a lesson that people always have negative side. However it doesn't mean that I don't like people. I never want to despair of people.
The only way to keep faith with people is to believe in the positive side of people. I want to find a big hope in them.
This is the reason why I take pictures of people's lives. I'm sorry to say that I haven't got over my bitter memories, and is still difficult to face them directly, but I think it nice to take their photos even from a little distance, quietly. I want to keep taking pictures of hopes in people which inspires me.
